Tuesday, 14 September 2010


So some basic housekeeping first. My car is still not fixed. My gig in Hitchin was fantastic and sold out. My gig in Letchworth was fantastic and not sold out. I have told a former long term acquaintance that he is no longer required in my life in any capacity, I have lost thirty million chips on facebook poker in the last 48 hours. I still have not given my mum the fudge I brought her back from Devon and Graham Taylor called my Dad's mate a twat the other day.

Never mind all that though - I'm here to talk about Guinarda.

Oh hang on - I will just tell you this though: On Friday night I enjoyed an hour or so in Chic Bar in Hitchin after my comedy show thanks to the excellent musical stylings of one DJ Roch and his brilliant "Shake Your Hips" night. However: I've been inviting my comedy audience down there (in exchange for free drinks from the bar) but they haven't really responded in enough numbers for me to justify our agreement. This led me to Bom Bora. I used to have a tacit agreement with Steve in there that I would bring my audience down there after the gig in exchange for a couple of free vodka and sodas. This only stopped when he started charging £2.50 to get in after 11pm. Since my audience typically got there about 11.15pm, I didn't think it was right to make them pay twice for their night out. Chic was free to get in, so we moved.

Or rather I did.

Some of the audience continued to go down there and we have started getting the show over with a little earlier so I figured it might be good to reacquaint myself with said Australian-themed over-priced knocking shop. Hence my midnight flit from The Churchyard to the taxi rank (You'll need a map of Hitchin to understand all this so it's probably easier to just go with it).

Anyway, several vodka and sodas later I collared Steve with my cunning plan. I took him to one side and said "Hey - if you let my punters in for nothing and give me free drinks I'll bring them all down here again". He said "No way, buddy" and buggered off. At least he called me "Buddy". In future I will make my machiavellian plans via email. Chic Bar it is - with added gusto.

Anyway, "Guinarda"...

I travelled tonight to Camden to meet up with my punky mates Johnny and Helen and then go to "Music Club", the London edition of the Edinburgh show I saw not once, but twice.Sadly Mike & Mike who run it had written absolutely nothing new so performed their Edinburgh show, which I have now learnt. Despite wearing my new hat (A short-rimmed pork pie) I was recognised and plonked on the front row. The gig was great - probably the best performance out of the three and everyone loved it. Myself and Helen particularly enjoyed it, because of the Guinarda.

The venue for Music Club is called The Black Heart on Greenland Place and is a rocking little boozer. It also has a "Rose Beer" on tap called "Rosarda". As a single entity it is rather too sweet for my liking. When mixed with Guinness, however, it is a drink of champions and can be consumed surprisingly quickly. Stick a drambuie in the top of it and you're hot to trot. Several pints and a small fortune later we had all been Guinarda-ed. This is not the only reason Music Club was great, but it certainly helped. I'll hopefully be back next month.

Oh and Hattie Hayridge (Hollie from Red Dwarf) was there and we had a hug. We always hug. She is always lovely. She wasn't drinking Guinarda, otherwise who knows what might have happened? The barmaid was Australian and had a problem finding the drambuie. She was called Clare. I have never remembered this many girls names on a night out. Guinarda is, in addition to being tasty and potent, a wonderful memory juice.

I also enjoyed a Lamarchun for the bargain price of £1.50. I'd never heard of one before let alone eaten one. If you didn't know, it's a kind of mince and salad roll constructed on unleavened bread and originates from Eastern Turkey. It's my new Camden snack of choice. I'm thinking of mixing it with a fruit-based beer and calling it a Lamarguinarda.

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