How NOT to get booked at a comedy club...

Well, it's been a while, four months to be precise, but I'm finally blogging again. So much has happened over the last few months and I will TRY and catch up but basically since I last wrote I've been shafted by a promoter in Hungary, nearly bankrupted by a disastrous trip to Austria, won and lost a small fortune in Vegas, seen the Grand Canyon and thrown out of a nightclub in Norway. I'm facing a court case for non-payment of a rail ticket, am recording a new album, planning a comedy festival and writing a new show for Edinburgh. While I get my head round all of that, here's the transcript of an email exchange I had today with a new act wanting a paid spot at my most established comedy show, The Lastminutecomedy Club. The gig features two professional (And often well known) comedians doing extended sets with me compering. You can find out more about it here The best comedy clubs in the world, in my (not so) humble opinion

Make of it what you will...

Hi Paul,

Please may I have a spot in your club? You saw my act during the competition you were running in Letchworth.

(Name removed) stand up comedian

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(Name removed),

The winner of the overall competition gets a full set at my club. Second and third places get half-sets at my club. People who are unplaced in the heats are not ready to do extended half hour sets alongside professional comedians. I have only even replied to this email so that you fully understand that I do not book new acts for Lastminutecomedy Clubs and you can take me off your list of promoters to contact. You are welcome to enter next year's competition and if you win it you will be booked.

I hope you understand.

Paul B. Edwards

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Dear Paul,

Thank you for your arrogant reply I am a promoter too running very successful gigs but I at least have courtesy. Stuff your competitions you arrogate twat

(Name removed) NCT teacher and stand up comedian

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(Name removed), you came last in your heat and it was arrogant of you to ask for a gig. Most promoters would just have ignored you. I was courteous enough to get back to you because I am a full time comedian first and part time promoter second. There is nothing I hate more than being palmed off by promoters who end up wasting my time because they don't tell me why they are not going to book me. I prefer straight talking. I don't think there is any need for your abuse. I'm sorry you found my reply arrogant. Would you have preferred me to say that you are joint-40th in line for one round of support slots next March and if the other 39 drop out I'll get in touch? Good luck with your own ventures and stop being silly. You were nice when we met - that's how I prefer to remember you x

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Paul,

I would have preferred you ignored my email it was polite enough, rather than be rude and you are entitled to your opinion. I am totally shocked that you are a professional comedian because we all thought how unfunny you were. Good luck in future   

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Hi (Name removed),

You saw me at a show I hosted recently and I wondered if I could have a gig at your successful comedy shows?

Paul B. Edwards