Wednesday, 8 June 2011

A farewell to feet.

Well, I finally did it. I finally let go of my four favourite pairs of shoes. A friend of mine suggested I photograph them and write a blog about them as a fitting tribute. Here they are:

They've served me well. They've been to festivals, comedy gigs, foreign countries. They've got me heckled and congratulated in equal measure. They've cost me money and earned me plaudits but now I have ultimately had to accept that they are ex-shoes, no more, defunct, banjaxed, destroyed and retired. They are gone, but they will never be forgotten. Below are photos of them with lengthy descriptions. I will miss them all...

These were the first creepers I ever bought. They were procured specifically to wear on stage but I ended up sporting them socially as well. They survived countless gigs and never failed to draw the right kind of attention. They were £69 from Underground Shoes in Camden over a decade ago. Eventually the glue went on the soles. I tried to fix them but to no avail. I wore them to Leeds festival once and the front row shouted "BlackJack!" when I walked on stage. I had only considered the cards sewn into the tops to be "Pontoon". Sometimes I really am dim.
I bought these the same time (And for the same price) as the ones above. They were chosen by my ex-wife as a pair I could wear "For smart". The same thing happened to them as the "pontoon" ones - they just irreparably  came away from the crepe. The crepe soles themselves remained perfect. Idiots would shout "Don't you step on my blue suede shoes!" when they saw them. I didn't care - I loved them. These were my "Bagpuss" pair - baggy and a bit loose at the seams, but Pauly loved them...
Believe it or not I got these ones more recently (within the last six years or so) because I didn't have any "normal" shoes. I kicked my heel through the crepe the first time I wore them on stage, repeatedly stomping my foot into the stage whilst screaming a song about being beaten up by Swedish school children at Jesters Comedy Club in Bristol. Not long after the crepe soles split in several places and I put this down to the way I bent my feet to tie my laces. It didn't happen to the other pairs but it made sense. They were unsuccessfully glued by a cobbler in Letchworth. I wore them to my hearing at Stevenage Magistrates Court when I was banned from driving. Nobody said anything.
I got these half-price  (£45) with my birthday money (again) somewhere in Camden about a decade ago. They're the best pair of boots I've ever had and I wore them to death. They are the veterans of countless bike gigs, Reading, Leeds and Beautiful Days festivals and The Lord knows how many "Snow days". Officially titled "Engineers Boots" rather than bike boots or "Clash Boots", they now retail (new) at about £130. Spend the money if you get the chance - they're worth it.

...I couldn't even bring myself to throw them out personally. I put them in a bag and left them by the front door (in the hallway) while I decided what to do with them. I went away for the weekend and while I was gone my mum came round and quietly removed them. It felt like a bereavement. Mind you - it's not all bad, as the photo below explains...
Fortunately, I still have these. I am the Imelda Marcos of North Hertfordshire, but that's another story.
Before I posted this I did a spell check on it and noticed that I had written "soul" instead of "sole" in every instance. It's stupid that one should get so attached to what are essentially "things to keep your feet dry" but there you go. This hasn't been my normal blog I grant you, but I hope you'll excuse a sentimental old fool this one time. Back to tales of carousing in future (I'm sure) but for now, it's been emotional.


  1. I love my creepers, but I don't get enough chances to wear them.

  2. Well make chances to wear them! I still occasionally walk out to the car in my red pair and a dressing gown.

  3. I hope they went in the shoe bank (tied in pairs hopefully) and that someone somewhere will look 'right out of place in them'

    ps love the advert for "Scholl comfy shoes" that adorns this entry!

  4. As I say, they were removed by m m mother. Dr. Scholl can go fuck himself.


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