Edinburgh 2012 - The Finale

I'm home now and things are slowly returning to normal but there are a few ends to tie up and no end of mischief.

About ten days ago the lovely Kerry from BBC 4Extra got in touch to say that she was interested in getting Arthur Smith to interview me about my attitude to The Fringe in general. Keen (As usual) to offer up my opinions in any situation I jumped at the chance and we agreed on last Wednesday at 3pm. Since no publicity is bad publicity, I figured it might even swell the numbers at my solo show if it went out in time.

They were late to the meeting point (Banshee Labyrinth) of course. She blamed it on him being too old to walk anywhere quickly. He blamed it on leaving it to a woman to read a map. I think it was a combination of the two but I let it go. The interview was fun and I'll provide a link to it at the end of this blog as it makes a lot more sense for you to listen to it (if you can be bothered) than for me to describe it. We did it in one go and it wasn't edited at all (unusual for the beeb) and despite the odd stutter and stumble, I took that to mean we did a pretty good job.

Obviously I only consented to the interview on the condition that Arthur flyered for me.  He agreed. He understands  the  needs of us superstars.

I also got reviewed! After saying I didn't want any I was of course flattered when Hilary from "The Best Of Hitchin" showed up to "Songs In The Key Of Death" and wrote a very flattering (but entirely unquotable) review that I will also provide a link for at the bottom. It's typical that it would be someone from my "Home" town who went to the trouble to say something about it, but anyway.

MORE HOME TOWN SHOCKS.

Now here's a thing. You need to know that a girl called Chloe occasionally sits at the front row of my burlesque show and that I do a drinking game to the tune "Roxanne" at it, that I do a song about Breachwood Green every month at my comedy shows in Hitchin & Letchworth and that there is a local catchphrase for the former town before you understand the following and why it freaked me out. Prior to the arrival of Hilary La Pen, someone from Hitchin visisted The Banshee Labyrinth. They stuck up four of my flyers on a mirror in the bottom bar and defaced them by writing slogans on the cartoon of my (ample) forehead that appears upon them. I have no idea who did it but they're a comedy genius.

"Hitchin Is Bitchin" (Pictured) was joined by "Sting (Or The Police)". "I Fancy Chloe" and "It's A Village". Very bizarre.

One of my favourite things about Edinburgh is that it's the only time of year I bump into old friends. Some have done better than others but it's always nice to see them because (As a rule) they don't talk shop with me but instead we just have a laugh. Brendon Burns is one such character. To say he splits a room is an understatement but he's built a loyal Edinburgh audience over many years (We were both in the Footlights & Firkin venue in 1996 along with comedian Simon Dowd (Who has since moved to Ohio) and Peter Buckley Hill (Who did his first ever "Free" show there and thus created a monster). Brendon and I have rarely had so much as a cross word and I've seen him do some terrific gigs. He's also very amiable on a street corner and was happy to have his photo taken with pretty much anybody walking past, so I got my own for this here blog. He would probably have "Done The Tull" if I'd asked him but I forgot. Oh well...

Burns et moi - connected at the head. I've got one with Matt Welcome as we well but forgot to upload it. Doh!

My last few shows were all great - both my solo show in BL and my compilation show in Whistle Binkies. I'm keen to get both of the venues again next year and I am already working on it before most people have got home. All the staff in both venues are great and I really like them. They already know that in Banshee but WB's was my first run with them. I found out exactly how they felt about me on my last night however. After my BL show I settled in at the bar to enjoy a "Ghostbuster" cocktail that became three as I was joined by Matt (Monkeypoet) who announced he didn't drink milk just after I'd ordered it and another Chloe who had been to my show, was from Oakland, C.A. and proved to be the most unusual visitor to Edinburgh that year. This for one reason and one reason alone. She had been on vacation in Paris and decided to extend her stay in "Europe" by a week and visit Scotland. When she arrived in Edinburgh she had NO IDEA THAT THERE WAS A FESTIVAL ON. How anyone could not know is beyond me. Still - it meant she had had far more than the cultural and historic experience she was expecting and was having a whale of a time. She wandered into my show about ten minutes late (She obviously didn't know that was on either) but bought a CD afterwards and I felt honour bound to get her in on the round of cocktails. "Ghostbusters" in Banshee consist of (And I'm reciting from memory) Baileys, Vodka, Amaretto, Kahlua, Milk, Chocolate Sauce and probably something else. They taste like dangerous pudding.

Just after my last show and I'm stuck into a "Ghostbuster". The Banshee Labyrinth is immense. IMMENSE.

I wobbled home about 7.30pm, got fish and chips from The Newington Fish Bar, met up with Whitney the happy flatmate (His show had started selling out) and then swanned off to meet my agent, Joss, in The Abbatoir bar. There I was formerly introduced to Sean Hughes, reacquainted with Michael Winslow and got stuck in to no small amount of red wine. Joss and I then retired to The Loft for a wee dram where I said my goodbyes. Around 2am I decided I had had enough of showbiz and headed back to Niddry Street for one last drink. There I bumped into Greg the sound man/bar person form Whistle Binkies. He insisted on buying me a Jaeger Bomb. He was smashed. I soon caught up as we wandered up and down the street, ducking in and out of The Globe and Banshee Labyrinth, drinking shots and talking rubbish. On our return to WBs we chanced upon comedian Bob Walsh and an assortment of female comedians etc. who had clearly come out by mistake. The Bar Manager saw me. He smiled. He got me a shot and said "Thanks for being great this year - hope you'll be back in 2013". I thanked him, knocked it back in one and then had a coughing/retching fit as I realised it was Chartreuse. He walked off pissing himself laughing. Bloody Glaswegians. We got kicked out around 5am and I enjoyed a dawn stroll back to the flat. I hardly had any voice left, insufficient money for a cab and I can't pretend I was entirely steady on my feet. It looked like Edinburgh had won, again.

Et enfin...

I drove home on Sunday through the Scottish Borders, Cumbria and then Lancashire where I stopped off at Tebay services. Tebay is famous amongst truckers, reps and artists for being by far and away the best motorway service station in the UK. It is independently owned, the food is delicious, the prices are fair, the farm shop is out of this world, the toilets are clean, the parking is ample and the views are stunning. It was the perfect end to a nigh-on perfect trip. Roll on 2013.

If someone had been taking a photo of me at this point they would have seen me beaming over a steak and ale pie, cup of tea and an oatcake.  ROCK AND ROLL.

The promised links:

Arthur Smith interviews me on BBC Radio 4Extra
"The Best Of Hitchin" blog